Light at the end of the tunnel

I’ve cycled less in 2021 than I have for 10 years. Struggling to find motivation it got to the point where I was not looking forward to my next ride. It became a chore fitting the time for riding into my week. I genuinely considered taking a break from cycling altogether. (I even tried running …. briefly!)

I can look back now and perhaps recognise some of the reasons why my enjoyment for the sport, that has dominated so much of my life, faded so dramatically; from being the thing that defined who I was, to being something I wanted to forget.

Everyone has found dealing with the Covid pandemic a challenge in some way. I’d got used to working from home and then in February, just when our hopes were high for an end to lock down, my employer told me they were closing our office at the end of the year. Looking back now I can see that this coincided with when my cycling derailed, which is probably more than a coincidence.

Just the fact I even wanted to write this blog suggests something has now changed. Is it a coincidence I started my new job last week?

Perhaps this is over simplifying. Over the past 18 months my social group of cycling buddies has also disbanded. Two have moved away and the repeated interruptions from Covid lockdowns has meant come Sunday the “Fab5” WhatsApp group has been quiet. With no weekend ride planned I’ve stayed in bed for longer, so rides have had to be shorter. When I am out, I’m on my own so not pushing myself nearly as hard without the competitive sparring with friends spurring me on. This combination has led to a drop in fitness making rides harder and less enjoyable. Of the few I’ve entered, my recent race results have been badly disappointing which has further dented my overall confidence. I no longer relate to myself as an obsessed cyclist, I’m just somebody who rides a bike recreationally.

Writing it down it sounds depressing, and I guess without realising that’s exactly what it has become.

I could end the blog there, but I want to finish on a positive. The basic reasons why I love cycling haven’t gone away. The buzz of going fast on a bike still makes me grin from ear to ear like a child. Being out in the countryside, admiring the scenery, refreshes the head and soul.

On top of that cycling has brought me into contact with so many amazing people. I just need to make the effort to arrange a ride and I’m sure I’ll have company on a Sunday morning. I’m also going to be entering some races between now and the end of the year. Having recalibrated my expectations, I just want to see some progression, but it has given me something to focus on.